Memories...

Heather, your poop story brought back memories. Here's a few gems from when my girls were your girls' age... (originally written in 2003)If you are easily grossed out just close this 'cause it's icky!!
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As many may know, Lilly has been struggling with potty training. She’s got the pee thing down but the bowel issues have her really flummoxed. She simply doesn’t like to go poop on the potty and even refuses to go in a diaper. Yeah, it’s real fun at my house lately! Anyway, Lilly hadn’t gone since Wednesday and I was starting to get concerned. She’d told me she had to go several times but after sitting on the potty she couldn’t go. She wore a diaper all day yesterday and didn’t do one thing.

So last night we tried the potty again and she peed but nothing else. I put her in her jammies which I let her choose. She has this one pair that has kind of like Capri pants that are really loose fitting. I didn’t put any panties on her – she said she didn’t want any and I wasn’t going to fight her about it. That decision came back to haunt me!I put the girls to bed at the same time – which is unusual. Lilly had had a bad day so I let her watch a video in bed while Audrey was in her crib - they share a room btw. I went in an hour later to turn off the TV and tuck Lilly in.

As I came upstairs I smelled it – Lilly had pooped her pants.

I opened their bedroom door realizing with horror that her loose fitting pants probably wouldn’t have contained the mess and fearing the worst. Turns out I didn’t have the imagination to fear what I actually saw!

And what did I find you ask? On the floor beside Audrey’s crib was three big piles of poop. Okay, now that’s gross but not a big deal right? I look up into the crib and I see Audrey – COVERED HEAD TO TOE IN POOP!!! She had her paci in her mouth and there was poop all over her! On the bed, on her hands, on her legs, on the bedding – EVERYTHING! Thank goodness she had her paci in her mouth because best I could tell she didn't end up eating any. SHUDDER!!!Lilly came up and explained to me that Audrey had pooped. Of course she hadn’t – her diaper was still on. All I can figure is that Lilly pooped and then picked up the poop and (naturally!) handed it to her sister who promptly decided to use it like a bar of soap!

I wasn’t sure who to feel more sorry for:
Lilly because she is so poop-stressed that she’s trying to blame her sister
Audrey who is covered in someone else’s poop
Me who is trying to stop laughing long enough to begin the super-fun task of cleaning up,
or Brad who is so horrified that he was virtually useless to me and will probably never emotionally recover from this. (He comes from a home where dirt was forbidden. His mom used to wash his shoelaces while he napped for goodness sake! He has no frame of reference to deal with this kind of filth!)

So that was my evening. They don't call if Memorial Day for nothin' in my house! I can assure you we’ll not forget this!!
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A few days later...

Remember the "poop incident"? It happened AGAIN last night! I'm at my wit's end! This time the poop was EVERYWHERE too - including both kids. We were meeting with the countertop guy who was SUPPOSED to have shown up at 1 pm and didn't arrive until 7:45 pm! (Did I mention that not only is his name Daniel Boone - which of course meant I couldn't call him by name or risk an inappropriate fit of the giggles! - but he's the chattiest human being on the PLANET and didn't leave until 9:30!)

During this time Lilly saw fit to poop her panties, strip herself naked and put her soiled undies in Audrey's crib. She then proceeded to mill about the room grinding feces into every surface. Here's the scenario. It's 9 pm both girls are supposed to have been asleep for HOURS! I come in to find poop on most surfaces as well as on Audrey and Lilly. Lilly is wandering around and everything she touches now has poop on it. Audrey is covered and it's all over the crib and bedding.And there is only one of me.I have to somehow manage to get Audrey AND Lilly clean ASAP because every second they are dirty and unrestrained they simply spread the mess further through the house! The only way is to put them both in the tub or leave Audrey to "stew in her sister's juices" while I deal with Lilly. I can't tend to Audrey first because Lilly will follow spreading feces in her wake and I obviously can't confine Lilly anywhere until she is clean. I do make Lilly help at first, but frankly, I can't bear to let Audrey sit there for more than a few minutes because I am sure any second she's gonna do the unthinkable and put some in her mouth!

Then, once the girls are clean, I have to find somewhere clean AND babyproof to put them because the room is a toxic waste dump and if they go back in there they'll get all dirty again! All the bedding must be stripped and remade before the girls can even be allowed back in their room. At this point Audrey is EXHAUSTED and crying and wanting to go to sleep! We have now created a rule. The rule is "no pooping in panties" and "no touching of poop messes" and "no giving poop to Audrey" (who'd have thought I'd need to be so specific!! ) and she's been told that if she makes another poop mess that she doesn't get to sleep with Audrey anymore. I think she actually does understand, but we'll see.

Last time it was funny, this time it was not.

Good times my dears, good times!!