Just a quick "thank you" to Amy for reminding me that a 20 minute morning battle about taking a plastice "Pikachu" to school is indeed preferable to some of the tasks that required my attention when the boys were toddlers still in need of many of the basics of hygiene.
I am still using diapers these days--only on the dog--and you know the weirdest thing? Pampers still works better than the others. There might be a commercial there.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Memories...
Heather, your poop story brought back memories. Here's a few gems from when my girls were your girls' age... (originally written in 2003)If you are easily grossed out just close this 'cause it's icky!!
________________________________________
As many may know, Lilly has been struggling with potty training. She’s got the pee thing down but the bowel issues have her really flummoxed. She simply doesn’t like to go poop on the potty and even refuses to go in a diaper. Yeah, it’s real fun at my house lately! Anyway, Lilly hadn’t gone since Wednesday and I was starting to get concerned. She’d told me she had to go several times but after sitting on the potty she couldn’t go. She wore a diaper all day yesterday and didn’t do one thing.
So last night we tried the potty again and she peed but nothing else. I put her in her jammies which I let her choose. She has this one pair that has kind of like Capri pants that are really loose fitting. I didn’t put any panties on her – she said she didn’t want any and I wasn’t going to fight her about it. That decision came back to haunt me!I put the girls to bed at the same time – which is unusual. Lilly had had a bad day so I let her watch a video in bed while Audrey was in her crib - they share a room btw. I went in an hour later to turn off the TV and tuck Lilly in.
As I came upstairs I smelled it – Lilly had pooped her pants.
I opened their bedroom door realizing with horror that her loose fitting pants probably wouldn’t have contained the mess and fearing the worst. Turns out I didn’t have the imagination to fear what I actually saw!
And what did I find you ask? On the floor beside Audrey’s crib was three big piles of poop. Okay, now that’s gross but not a big deal right? I look up into the crib and I see Audrey – COVERED HEAD TO TOE IN POOP!!! She had her paci in her mouth and there was poop all over her! On the bed, on her hands, on her legs, on the bedding – EVERYTHING! Thank goodness she had her paci in her mouth because best I could tell she didn't end up eating any. SHUDDER!!!Lilly came up and explained to me that Audrey had pooped. Of course she hadn’t – her diaper was still on. All I can figure is that Lilly pooped and then picked up the poop and (naturally!) handed it to her sister who promptly decided to use it like a bar of soap!
I wasn’t sure who to feel more sorry for:
Lilly because she is so poop-stressed that she’s trying to blame her sister
Audrey who is covered in someone else’s poop
Me who is trying to stop laughing long enough to begin the super-fun task of cleaning up,
or Brad who is so horrified that he was virtually useless to me and will probably never emotionally recover from this. (He comes from a home where dirt was forbidden. His mom used to wash his shoelaces while he napped for goodness sake! He has no frame of reference to deal with this kind of filth!)
So that was my evening. They don't call if Memorial Day for nothin' in my house! I can assure you we’ll not forget this!!
______________________________________________
A few days later...
Remember the "poop incident"? It happened AGAIN last night! I'm at my wit's end! This time the poop was EVERYWHERE too - including both kids. We were meeting with the countertop guy who was SUPPOSED to have shown up at 1 pm and didn't arrive until 7:45 pm! (Did I mention that not only is his name Daniel Boone - which of course meant I couldn't call him by name or risk an inappropriate fit of the giggles! - but he's the chattiest human being on the PLANET and didn't leave until 9:30!)
During this time Lilly saw fit to poop her panties, strip herself naked and put her soiled undies in Audrey's crib. She then proceeded to mill about the room grinding feces into every surface. Here's the scenario. It's 9 pm both girls are supposed to have been asleep for HOURS! I come in to find poop on most surfaces as well as on Audrey and Lilly. Lilly is wandering around and everything she touches now has poop on it. Audrey is covered and it's all over the crib and bedding.And there is only one of me.I have to somehow manage to get Audrey AND Lilly clean ASAP because every second they are dirty and unrestrained they simply spread the mess further through the house! The only way is to put them both in the tub or leave Audrey to "stew in her sister's juices" while I deal with Lilly. I can't tend to Audrey first because Lilly will follow spreading feces in her wake and I obviously can't confine Lilly anywhere until she is clean. I do make Lilly help at first, but frankly, I can't bear to let Audrey sit there for more than a few minutes because I am sure any second she's gonna do the unthinkable and put some in her mouth!
Then, once the girls are clean, I have to find somewhere clean AND babyproof to put them because the room is a toxic waste dump and if they go back in there they'll get all dirty again! All the bedding must be stripped and remade before the girls can even be allowed back in their room. At this point Audrey is EXHAUSTED and crying and wanting to go to sleep! We have now created a rule. The rule is "no pooping in panties" and "no touching of poop messes" and "no giving poop to Audrey" (who'd have thought I'd need to be so specific!! ) and she's been told that if she makes another poop mess that she doesn't get to sleep with Audrey anymore. I think she actually does understand, but we'll see.
Last time it was funny, this time it was not.
Good times my dears, good times!!
________________________________________
As many may know, Lilly has been struggling with potty training. She’s got the pee thing down but the bowel issues have her really flummoxed. She simply doesn’t like to go poop on the potty and even refuses to go in a diaper. Yeah, it’s real fun at my house lately! Anyway, Lilly hadn’t gone since Wednesday and I was starting to get concerned. She’d told me she had to go several times but after sitting on the potty she couldn’t go. She wore a diaper all day yesterday and didn’t do one thing.
So last night we tried the potty again and she peed but nothing else. I put her in her jammies which I let her choose. She has this one pair that has kind of like Capri pants that are really loose fitting. I didn’t put any panties on her – she said she didn’t want any and I wasn’t going to fight her about it. That decision came back to haunt me!I put the girls to bed at the same time – which is unusual. Lilly had had a bad day so I let her watch a video in bed while Audrey was in her crib - they share a room btw. I went in an hour later to turn off the TV and tuck Lilly in.
As I came upstairs I smelled it – Lilly had pooped her pants.
I opened their bedroom door realizing with horror that her loose fitting pants probably wouldn’t have contained the mess and fearing the worst. Turns out I didn’t have the imagination to fear what I actually saw!
And what did I find you ask? On the floor beside Audrey’s crib was three big piles of poop. Okay, now that’s gross but not a big deal right? I look up into the crib and I see Audrey – COVERED HEAD TO TOE IN POOP!!! She had her paci in her mouth and there was poop all over her! On the bed, on her hands, on her legs, on the bedding – EVERYTHING! Thank goodness she had her paci in her mouth because best I could tell she didn't end up eating any. SHUDDER!!!Lilly came up and explained to me that Audrey had pooped. Of course she hadn’t – her diaper was still on. All I can figure is that Lilly pooped and then picked up the poop and (naturally!) handed it to her sister who promptly decided to use it like a bar of soap!
I wasn’t sure who to feel more sorry for:
Lilly because she is so poop-stressed that she’s trying to blame her sister
Audrey who is covered in someone else’s poop
Me who is trying to stop laughing long enough to begin the super-fun task of cleaning up,
or Brad who is so horrified that he was virtually useless to me and will probably never emotionally recover from this. (He comes from a home where dirt was forbidden. His mom used to wash his shoelaces while he napped for goodness sake! He has no frame of reference to deal with this kind of filth!)
So that was my evening. They don't call if Memorial Day for nothin' in my house! I can assure you we’ll not forget this!!
______________________________________________
A few days later...
Remember the "poop incident"? It happened AGAIN last night! I'm at my wit's end! This time the poop was EVERYWHERE too - including both kids. We were meeting with the countertop guy who was SUPPOSED to have shown up at 1 pm and didn't arrive until 7:45 pm! (Did I mention that not only is his name Daniel Boone - which of course meant I couldn't call him by name or risk an inappropriate fit of the giggles! - but he's the chattiest human being on the PLANET and didn't leave until 9:30!)
During this time Lilly saw fit to poop her panties, strip herself naked and put her soiled undies in Audrey's crib. She then proceeded to mill about the room grinding feces into every surface. Here's the scenario. It's 9 pm both girls are supposed to have been asleep for HOURS! I come in to find poop on most surfaces as well as on Audrey and Lilly. Lilly is wandering around and everything she touches now has poop on it. Audrey is covered and it's all over the crib and bedding.And there is only one of me.I have to somehow manage to get Audrey AND Lilly clean ASAP because every second they are dirty and unrestrained they simply spread the mess further through the house! The only way is to put them both in the tub or leave Audrey to "stew in her sister's juices" while I deal with Lilly. I can't tend to Audrey first because Lilly will follow spreading feces in her wake and I obviously can't confine Lilly anywhere until she is clean. I do make Lilly help at first, but frankly, I can't bear to let Audrey sit there for more than a few minutes because I am sure any second she's gonna do the unthinkable and put some in her mouth!
Then, once the girls are clean, I have to find somewhere clean AND babyproof to put them because the room is a toxic waste dump and if they go back in there they'll get all dirty again! All the bedding must be stripped and remade before the girls can even be allowed back in their room. At this point Audrey is EXHAUSTED and crying and wanting to go to sleep! We have now created a rule. The rule is "no pooping in panties" and "no touching of poop messes" and "no giving poop to Audrey" (who'd have thought I'd need to be so specific!! ) and she's been told that if she makes another poop mess that she doesn't get to sleep with Audrey anymore. I think she actually does understand, but we'll see.
Last time it was funny, this time it was not.
Good times my dears, good times!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Good, The Bad and the Socially Unacceptable
The Good:
My children are wonderful. Really. I mean we all have our flaws, but they're just the right amount of "goofy" compounded with a healthy dose of "cute."
They are playing together much more readily these days and enjoying it! Two words...Star Wars. The battle for dominion over the galaxy is waged in my home at least once a day. And here's the great thing about it...the good guys ALWAYS win!
We are having more play dates from first grade class members. Boy Scouts rock! Little League is starting, the kind where they really hit the ball. And Spring is almost here! Say it with me; "Outdoor play!"
The Bad:
I have a "Drama King." Now, most six-year-olds are not characterized by their "balanced emotional outlook" on social situations, but the model I have paints EVERYTHING in extremely vivid hues. Consequently, most of my time on the drive home from school is spent adding some midtones in to balance out the daily picture.
And the youngest hates school. Things were fine until he turned four and they moved him to the four-year-old room. Now he cried everyday when Doug drops him off and he's been known to run after him even into the parking lot! When asked why he doesn't like his new class he simply responds over and over again, "I just want to stay a little bit." I am open to advice.
The Socially Unacceptable:
Burping.
There, I've said it. I can't rid my house of the deliberate burp. I understand the involuntary bodily function we all experience from time to time, but the act of which I am now speaking is definitely planned.
Hands in pants.
Another habit I can't seem to deter no matter how many "gentle" prompts are given. Even not so gentle ones are usually ineffective. But, I know at some point the fact that peers will stop doing the same thing will be a greater influence than my meager appeals and that habit, at least, should go away. I think the burp may be here to stay.
My children are wonderful. Really. I mean we all have our flaws, but they're just the right amount of "goofy" compounded with a healthy dose of "cute."
They are playing together much more readily these days and enjoying it! Two words...Star Wars. The battle for dominion over the galaxy is waged in my home at least once a day. And here's the great thing about it...the good guys ALWAYS win!
We are having more play dates from first grade class members. Boy Scouts rock! Little League is starting, the kind where they really hit the ball. And Spring is almost here! Say it with me; "Outdoor play!"
The Bad:
I have a "Drama King." Now, most six-year-olds are not characterized by their "balanced emotional outlook" on social situations, but the model I have paints EVERYTHING in extremely vivid hues. Consequently, most of my time on the drive home from school is spent adding some midtones in to balance out the daily picture.
And the youngest hates school. Things were fine until he turned four and they moved him to the four-year-old room. Now he cried everyday when Doug drops him off and he's been known to run after him even into the parking lot! When asked why he doesn't like his new class he simply responds over and over again, "I just want to stay a little bit." I am open to advice.
The Socially Unacceptable:
Burping.
There, I've said it. I can't rid my house of the deliberate burp. I understand the involuntary bodily function we all experience from time to time, but the act of which I am now speaking is definitely planned.
Hands in pants.
Another habit I can't seem to deter no matter how many "gentle" prompts are given. Even not so gentle ones are usually ineffective. But, I know at some point the fact that peers will stop doing the same thing will be a greater influence than my meager appeals and that habit, at least, should go away. I think the burp may be here to stay.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Gotta tell an Audrey story...
Background. She's got her front permanent teeth and her permanent incisors but the teeth in between were her baby teeth. Over a YEAR ago the dentist was after us to get those out but Audrey didn't want to mess with them and honestly, they weren't loose. So at this point I've got a dental appt for the girls next week and my child has spent the last year looking a little odd with these two big front teeth and little baby teeth jammed in between. They were wedged in there and wouldn't move at all!
So Tuesday Audrey comes downstairs and informs me that she remembers how she lost her tooth in a bit of chocolate last Christmas Eve. She said she wanted to lose another tooth this year. I told her to start with those two little ones as I was going to have to pay the dentist to pull them out next week! Audrey thinks about it for a second and starts digging around in her mouth. 30 seconds later 'MOM! It's LOOSE!!' The left baby tooth is wiggling and bleeding. She goes and gets a kleenex and asked me to pull it out which I do quick as a wink!
Brad and I are stunned because prior to this with both kids any pulling of teeth was an emotional even wrought with tears, drama and long prolonged sessions of coaxing to get them out. So the tooth fairy comes and I've just saved a $25 extraction fee! Hooray. We asked if she wanted to do the other one but she said no, because she wanted the tooth fairy to come twice. Good thinking. Fair enough.
So yesterday I asked if she was going to pull out the other one tonight. She said no so I figured - we've got a few more days before the dentist and worst case I'll have him pull it. Put the girls to bed at 7:30 and I go upstairs to read. 8:30 Audrey bursts into the room with a kleenex shoved into her mouth and the tooth pillow clutched in her hand shouting "I pullbed oup my ober toof!" Brad and I are stunned. Sure enough - tooth is out, already ensconced in the tooth pillow and pressure was being applied to tooth hole wound. Wow!
So the tooth fairy comes again last night (thank goodness we had a stockpile of silver and gold dollar coins which is 'tooth fairy script' in our house!)
This morning we were talking about the event and I asked Audrey how she did it. The explanation went a little something like this...
Audrey: 'you know how the clothes hamper has a handle' (she has a square plastic clothes hamper with a plastic lid that flips up and down).
Me: (suspiciously) 'Uh huh...?'
Audrey: 'Well I held onto it like this (mimics gripping a handle close to her face) and pushed..."
Me: "You mean you held onto the hamper while you pulled out the tooth with your other hand?"
Audrey: 'No Mommy' (frustrated with my obvious lack of intelligence) 'I held onto the hamper and pushed my tooth on the edge'
Me: (disbelieving) 'You mean to tell me, you used the side of the hamper to push out your tooth?!'
Audrey: 'Yes!' (clearly pleased that I finally understood her McGyver-like abilities with regard to tooth removal...)
So that happened. And I just saved a total of $50 in dental fees! Golly I do love that girl!
So Tuesday Audrey comes downstairs and informs me that she remembers how she lost her tooth in a bit of chocolate last Christmas Eve. She said she wanted to lose another tooth this year. I told her to start with those two little ones as I was going to have to pay the dentist to pull them out next week! Audrey thinks about it for a second and starts digging around in her mouth. 30 seconds later 'MOM! It's LOOSE!!' The left baby tooth is wiggling and bleeding. She goes and gets a kleenex and asked me to pull it out which I do quick as a wink!
Brad and I are stunned because prior to this with both kids any pulling of teeth was an emotional even wrought with tears, drama and long prolonged sessions of coaxing to get them out. So the tooth fairy comes and I've just saved a $25 extraction fee! Hooray. We asked if she wanted to do the other one but she said no, because she wanted the tooth fairy to come twice. Good thinking. Fair enough.
So yesterday I asked if she was going to pull out the other one tonight. She said no so I figured - we've got a few more days before the dentist and worst case I'll have him pull it. Put the girls to bed at 7:30 and I go upstairs to read. 8:30 Audrey bursts into the room with a kleenex shoved into her mouth and the tooth pillow clutched in her hand shouting "I pullbed oup my ober toof!" Brad and I are stunned. Sure enough - tooth is out, already ensconced in the tooth pillow and pressure was being applied to tooth hole wound. Wow!
So the tooth fairy comes again last night (thank goodness we had a stockpile of silver and gold dollar coins which is 'tooth fairy script' in our house!)
This morning we were talking about the event and I asked Audrey how she did it. The explanation went a little something like this...
Audrey: 'you know how the clothes hamper has a handle' (she has a square plastic clothes hamper with a plastic lid that flips up and down).
Me: (suspiciously) 'Uh huh...?'
Audrey: 'Well I held onto it like this (mimics gripping a handle close to her face) and pushed..."
Me: "You mean you held onto the hamper while you pulled out the tooth with your other hand?"
Audrey: 'No Mommy' (frustrated with my obvious lack of intelligence) 'I held onto the hamper and pushed my tooth on the edge'
Me: (disbelieving) 'You mean to tell me, you used the side of the hamper to push out your tooth?!'
Audrey: 'Yes!' (clearly pleased that I finally understood her McGyver-like abilities with regard to tooth removal...)
So that happened. And I just saved a total of $50 in dental fees! Golly I do love that girl!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Testing the Email Function
I tried to link an email whenever anyone posts. Let's see if it works. If this annoys you let me know. If you want to post remember to log in as amystone3797@yahoo.com with the password of weeklyrant
Anyone else hate those 'I'm There' State Farm commercials...
I don't have anything pithy to say about it, except I loathe it like a Dockers commercial...
I secretly dream that the big circle they are inexplicably standing on is a type of black hole that will suck them and their stupid ass lives off my TV screen.
I secretly dream that the big circle they are inexplicably standing on is a type of black hole that will suck them and their stupid ass lives off my TV screen.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Why do children hate coats?
It's 35 degrees outside and a fine mist is falling. There is a toasty fire in the fireplace and my children would rather go outside. Not only would they rather be out there, I have to threaten them to get them to wear a coat!!! They're convinced the sweatshirt jacket they wear when the thermometer is at 60 degrees is good all year round.
I know their circulation is better, but it can't be THAT good.
The life of a mother.
Esther
I know their circulation is better, but it can't be THAT good.
The life of a mother.
Esther
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